well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
