But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
