his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
