break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
