so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
