so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
