he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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