im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
