im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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