They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i think i just lost a toe
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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