how can u be prego again
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
