i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize