happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
