Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
