I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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