Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
