my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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