So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
