So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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