Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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