i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Damn victory sex feels great
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