Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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