I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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