Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
