I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
