The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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