Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
