If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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