I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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