3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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