I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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