i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
