Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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