I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
