Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Is it penis luge time yet?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
