i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Is it because I queefed?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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