I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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