That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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