im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
