nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
