I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
