I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
