Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
