smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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