He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
