I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we made out on top of his cat.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize