Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
