also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
