Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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