so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
