When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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