Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
