you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
