Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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