I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
