What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wear drunk well.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
