I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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