Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize