make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
