I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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