You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
