I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
