we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
