I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
