i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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