What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
