so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
