kristin has been a bad kristin
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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